Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Women Always Complain About Being Cold?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Women always be complaining at my office that they’re cold. All the time even during the summer it was 80 degrees and bitches talking about “I’m so cold! I need to go get my sweater!” They were cold in July wait til they get to December! How do they even survive the winters? I thought women had a higher tolerance for pain, I guess that doesn’t include cold! You mean you can push a bowling ball out of your privates, but you can’t feel comfortable in 60 degree weather? You would think that their vaginas are like little ovens that can keep them warm. Does the vagina leak out heat instead or something and suck in the cold? What’s the story with this? -- Bradshaw from Montpelier, Vermont

Dear Bradshaw:

Well, there are a few different factors at play here. Oddly enough, science has shown that women menstruating are more sensitive to the cold so your assertion about vaginas isn’t that far off course. Women in general tend to be smaller with less body mass than men including less muscle. The more body mass and muscle you have the warmer you will feel and the better you can preserve heat in your body. This is why Eskimos eat blubber and African people are usually skinny. Being skinnier is great for hot weather. This is why you see so many obese people really uncomfortable in the summer because the heat becomes trapped in their bodies. Now you’re probably asking, “But what about fat women who are cold all the time?” From personal experience, I would say it has to deal with the person complaining about being cold. First, they might be a talkative person and women do tend to talk more than men, that’s a scientific fact. Also, they might not be very into exercise so they’re remaining stationary throughout the day. Activity would allow heat to be generated from burning calories. If they’re overweight then they may not be burning enough calories. The last thing is, men might be feeling cold too, but because they’re men they don’t want to talk about it. A man is less likely to share what he’s feeling and will be a little more reluctant to complain about being chilly than a woman who socially has nothing to lose by announcing they’re uncomfortable. A man in a similar situation would be called a wuss or a pussy for saying he’s cold. So there are a lot of factors and oddly enough the vagina is probably the least to blame of them all.

Oh come on it's not that cold, Carol!

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