Dumbass Sayings: “Kick Your Ass”

Sometimes you’re out in the park licking an ice cream cone and staring at people and some guy walks up to you and says “Hey man you’re creeping my wife out! You better leave right now or I’m gonna kick your ass!” What is all this “kick your ass” business? No one ever kicks anyone’s ass. Having your ass kicked almost never involves literally having your ass kicked. When someone says “Suck my dick” and you “kick their ass” neither of those two actions ever take place so why do we even say these things? If you got into a fight and your main goal was to kick the other person’s ass, you might still lose the fight. Actually, you most probably would because it’s just not an effective combat technique. No one ever gets kicked in the ass and goes “OKAY I QUIT!” Why don’t we make our threats and terminology a little more accurate. Instead of saying “Kick your ass” say “Kick your balls” or Kick your head.” If you threaten to kick me in the balls I think I’ll take that a little more seriously than if you say “I’m gonna kick your ass.” Being kicked in the balls hurts exponentially more than being kicked in the ass. The ass is a fleshy, cushioned area that we sit on resting our entire body weight on. Being kicked there is not a big deal. The only time being kicked in the ass would suck is if you were holding in a shit and then the kick jostled that loose and you crapped your pants. That’s very conditional though and there’s no way to really tell if someone you’re going to fight is holding a turd.

Kicking ass isn't the best fighting strategy. The human ass can take one hell of a pounding.