Dumbass Sayings: “Pins and Needles”

Sometimes Gladice at work corners you in the break room at work and says “I got this weird pins and needles sensation in my crotch area whenever I pee.” Okay first off I really didn’t need to know that. I know you have some sick thing where you have to tell people these details about your loins, but please leave me out of it. I’m sure Creepy Glen in accounting would love to hear all you have to say about your pins and needles, I don’t. Maybe she only gets off if the listener is unwilling. I really don’t care. Enough is enough. And to the point, “pins and needles” is just a stupid phrase. Which are the pins and which are the needles? To me, pins and needles are the same thing. Unless by needles you mean syringes, in which case you need to specify that. You really don’t need to say pins AND needles. Either they’re pins or their needles and don’t tell me you know the difference. There is none. That’s why no one ever says “I got this needles feeling” or I got this pins feeling.” It’s always pins AND needles and that doesn’t make any damn sense. It’s redundant to say both and to top it all off, that’s not even what actual pins and needles would feel like. If you had a pin or a needle punching its way through your internal organs you’d be in agony, you wouldn’t be casually describing it while sipping coffee, freak.

If these were stabbing you on the inside of your flesh you wouldn't be able to calmly describe that pain.