Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t You See Tall Homeless People?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I saw a tall homeless person for the first time in my life the other day. I was so blown away by it I wanted to take a picture. As I walked up for a selfie I thought better of it and decided to leave. He was like 6 foot 6 though, it was crazy. Covered from head to toe in what appeared to be feces. That’s a lot of feces! How come you don’t see more homeless people? Is there like an unwritten rule that you can’t be a tall homeless person? You never see a 7 foot hobo walking around. Why come? -- Terrence from Detroit, Michigan

Dear Terrence:

Yes, I would say there is a dearth of tall homeless people. I think the answer comes from the fact that height is a valued characteristic in the world. If you have the genetics to be tall then there’s a decent chance that your ancestors were tall and therefore may have had advantages throughout their lives because of that. So it’s not as though there’s a lack of schizophrenic tall people, it’s just that they all have jobs because their families have money. The other factor is that if a homeless person is tall enough, there’s a decent chance a traveling Romanian circus will offer them a job, the same goes for homeless dwarfs. I’m fairly certain those are the main two reasons you only see average height homeless. Plus, tall homeless just don’t work. If they’re sprawled on the sidewalk they’ll take up the entire sidewalk. They have to fit into small areas for shelter. It’s just not a lifestyle that lends itself to being tall and because of that, naturally it just doesn’t occur very often. It’s kind of like asking why there aren’t that many obese birds. It just doesn’t work.

You always see giants and dwarfs dressed in the most expensive custom made clothes. 

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