Dumbass Sayings: “Family Tree”

When people map out the lineage of their family they call it a “Family tree.” These people apparently don’t know how trees work. A “family tree” or “pedigree chart” starts with two people at the top and then branches DOWN. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a tree before, but they usually start at the bottom and branch UPWARD. Try growing a tree upside down someday and let me know how that works. I wouldn’t even mind if you could prove me wrong because seeing a tree growing upside down would be really cool. If you’re going to compare a pedigree chart to a natural phenomenon then compare it to cloud-to-ground lightning. Also, calling it a family tree is like adding insult to injury when it comes to nature. Due to rising populations we’re forced to strip the forests of the world for more and more wood to make homes. So as your family tree grows, natures actual trees actually suffer. If you want to be accurate call it a “Family jizz map” or a “History of unprotected sex” chart or something.

Some people try to make their family trees anatomically accurate, but it just doesn't look right. You're going to have newer generations higher than the family name.