The Top 10 Celebrities Who Will Probably Never Have Nude Photos Leak

Fortunately some celebrities
are off limits when it comes to
leaked nudes.

The thing that made the great nude celebrity photo leak of 2014 so notable was the list of women who had photos released was a veritable who’s who of poontang. No one knows when the next celebrity nude photo outbreak will occur, but we do know who won’t be involved. Some celebrities are just never going to have nude photos leak for one reason or another. Here are the top 10 celebrities you will likely never see nude photos from ever:

10. Lisa Kudrow

Lisa Kudrow isn’t a bad looking woman, but she’s not considered sexy either. She’s America’s sister, pretty yet obviously you’re not attracted at all for some reason.

9. Joan Rivers

Even when she was alive no one was looking to see that. Now that she’s dead there’s even less of a chance.

Maybe before she had the plastic equivalent of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch put into her face people might have been interested.

8. Steve Buscemi

There’s a reason no male celebrities have nude photos leaked. The most perverted woman in the world is only half the pervert the average man is. And the most perverted woman in the world doesn’t even want to see Steve Buscemi naked.

7. Whoopi Goldberg

We’ve all wanted to see Whoopi Goldberg naked, but not for sexual reasons. It’s more of a general curiosity about if she even has genitals. Whoopi is one of the most notorious non-sex symbols of the 20th century and for that reason she will never have nudes leaked.

6. Ellen DeGeneres

Seeing Ellen naked has to be something else. Again, most people want to see it just to view it like a national monument, but no one’s deriving pleasure from it and that’s ultimately the impetus needed to hack into someone’s cloud.

5. The dog from “Air Bud”

Technically every photo of the actor who portrayed Air Bud could be considered a “nude” but you know what I mean. Thankfully these won’t ever get out to the public because the dog is likely dead and people want to respect his spirit.

You naughty bitch.

4. Gabourey Sidibe

When nudes leak to the public it’s usually only the celebrity that’s being hurt and everyone else is enjoying it. If Gabourey Sidibe’s nudes ever leaked that would be a lose/lose scenario.

3. Tilda Swinton

Hey if I want to know what David Bowie looks like naked, I’ll just ask David Bowie.

Tilda sure knows how to rock!

2. Meryl Streep

We all know Meryl Streep nude selfies exist, but sadly she’s such a well respected actress that we’ll likely never get to see her using her Academy Awards as dildos.

You want to see The Iron Lady naked? Good luck with that!

And the number one celebrity you’ll never see nude photos of is...

1. Oprah Winfrey

Seeing Oprah’s nude photos would be like seeing the ark of the covenant. It’s likely so amazing your entire head would melt like candle wax under a flamethrower. If these nudes ever leaked the entire world would come to a screeching halt. Martial law would be put in place globally and the entire world economy would freeze. We better hope to god Oprah’s naked photos never leak.

Paparazzi are always hoping for a nip slip or a vagina shot, but Oprah knows what that would do to the world and she won't let it happen.