Should kids be allowed to have sporks in school?

You probably heard about this first grader who brought a metal fork/spoon/folding knife into class and was sentenced to 45 days in an alternative school. Well the suspension was lifted after the nationwide outrage came pouring in, but I'm going to argue against the kid, just for fun.

These days, it doesn't matter how old you are, you are capable of harming someone else. Everyone was focusing on the age of this child, but how quickly we forget that there have been instances of child shooters as young as six. Yeah read up on that, booyah! I really don't need to keep going, but I will...

People think just because it was a Cub Scout tool, it's wholesome and non-threatening. The Cub Scouts are the real deal, they don't mess around. This thing wasn't plastic. And while a metal folding knife is not a pistol, it's still a pointy object. Does that mean we need to outlaw pencils and pens in schools? ... For six year olds, maybe. Lawd knows they're going to have their fair share of falling accidents. And nothing makes a fall worse than a pen in your front pocket pointed up near the thigh flesh. That's a boo boo that's going to cause some severe trauma and horrific leg hemorrhaging.

And even if the child who brought it to school doesn't have a motive to harm anyone, it can still be stolen from him by another child with bad intentions. If some other kid stole it from him, and used it to shank the teacher, who would be to blame there? Of course the shanker, but to a lesser and more fundamental degree, the shanker's parents, and lastly the child who brought the weapon to begin with.

And finally, what's 45 days in an "alternate" school anyway? This isn't "A Clockwork Orange" folks. I sincerely doubt this was going to be a very severe punishment. If anything it would have been a big warning to parents to watch what their kids are bringing to school. But now since the penalty was revoked, parents nationwide are now emboldened in the idea that if a kid is six, he can be given complete leeway when it comes to possession of potential stabbing weapons, and that is not the message to be sending. Maybe this was the right decision for this particular case, but it could be setting a very dangerous precedent.

-Binkie McFartnuggets

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