Dumbass Movie Names

"Scott Pilgrim Versus The World" is a new movie that features a kid fighting for a girl named "Ramona". There's also a new movie coming out called "Ramona and Beezus" about no one gives a shit.

Since when is every other person on Earth named Ramona? Last I checked, that was not a common name and yet now it's just coincidentally featured in two current asscrap movies. It hasn't been surprising to me that movie studios are running out of ideas, but running out of names? That's truly sickening.

Ramona isn't even a good name. It's the female version of "Ramon" which is a South American cocaine dealer. It's basically the Spanish equivalent of Roberta in English. Who in the hell would ever name their daughter Roberta?

Stealing ideas for movies from graphic novels and regular novels is only excusable until the day comes when those adaptations end up being the same exact thing as every other movie. At what point will every movie that comes out be the same exact movie as everything else out at the time? This is a very bad sign for humanity. It all starts out now with the name "Ramona" but soon enough it'll bleed into plots and visuals and we will beg for extinction.

-Binkie McFartnuggets

Retired NFL'er's Unfortunate Phrasing Tarnishes Hall of Fame Selection

Retired NFL tight end Mark Chmura was inducted into the special Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame on Saturday despite a career that was tarnished by a sexual assault allegation. Chmura called this the "icing on the cake" of his football life.

No one involved in a sexual assault case should be using the terms "icing" or "cake" to describe anything much less in a public forum especially considering the alleged sexual act with a 17-year-old occurred at a party.

Chmura was cleared of all the charges, but he needs to stop using suggestive phrases that lead the Packers Hall of Fame committee to question their decision. All in all, things could have been worse. He could have said "pie." That would be worse because that doesn't make any sense. No one puts icing on pie nearly enough in America. Surely because it would be too rich for the average tongue, but also because it's incredibly inappropriate. If the gluttons of the pie world know this, why doesn't a retired NFL player? Oh right, the concussions... Well, that ended on a bitter note, time for some icing covered pie!

-Binkie McFartnuggets

The World's Largest Oil Spill of All-Time?

The news keeps saying this BP disaster is the largest oil spill in American history and that made me think what could be bigger? There's actually only one other aquatic spill that was bigger (for now) and they haven't the courtesy to even mention it! It's not as if there are too many to mention for Christopher Walken's sake. Anyway, for those interested who don't already know, this is what the BP spill is about to surpass...

From the greatest source of fact known to man, Wikipedia:

The Gulf War oil spill is regarded as the largest oil spill in history, resulting from the 1990 Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, or the first Gulf War.The oil spill, which began on January 21st, 1991, Estimates on the volume spilled usually range around 11 million barrels (462 million gallons or 1.75 billion liters); the slick reached a maximum size of 101 by 42 miles (4242 square miles or 6787 km²) and was 5 inches (13 cm) thick in some areas.

That seems like a pretty big deal and the first I heard of it was when I decided to look it up. The strangest thing is I couldn't even find a single photo of this thing. I guess no one gives a shit when oil washes up on Saudi Arabia, but remember people really got into a frenzy when a fraction of what's in the Gulf of Mexico spilled in Alaska, so I think our collective outrage about this kind of thing is a little off-center.