Dumbass Sayings: "Bacon Makes Everything Better"

Where was all the bacon on 9/11?

I'm sure you've heard someone say "Bacon makes everything better" if you haven't said it before yourself. The problem with this saying is that it's not entirely true. Bacon doesn't make EVERYTHING better especially if you're an Orthodox Jew or Muslim. If that's the case then you probably say the opposite, bacon makes everything worse. Does bacon really make everything better? Let's say you're a pregnant woman and you just found out you've suffered a miscarriage then the doctor comes in with a plate of bacon, is that really going to brighten your mood? I'm not so sure. Personally I'd probably want a moment or two alone without bacon. Maybe I'd take you up on that bacon an hour later or so, but I wouldn't say it's making the actual event of my unborn child's death any "better" it's just a matter of me trying to put the past behind me and move on, does bacon facilitate that? No.

Even if you agree that bacon makes everything better you have to admit that not all bacon makes things better. The bacon has to be cooked. Raw bacon is doing no one any favors. If you wake up Christmas morning with your stockings full of raw bacon that's going to risk ruining your Christmas with Salmonella. My revised saying: "Cooked bacon sometimes helps non-Jewish/Muslim situations".