How To Shave Your Butt Hair Without Accidentally Killing Yourself

There are a lot of online tutorials about how to shave your nutsack hair or your vagina, but nearly no step by step tutorials on how to shave the hair inside your ass. Now shaving your ass hair is a lot like putting a Hot Pocket in a conventional oven, it's not the proper way to do things and it's going to feel very odd, but not everyone has a Brazilian waxing kit at home.

- The first key is to have your cheeks spread as far apart as you can. I like to use duct tape. Coat each cheek individually with tape and then stretch the tape back around to your crotch so the tension keeps the buttcheeks pulled apart.

- Apply hot lather. You have to make sure that lather is HOT and yes it will burn for awhile, but not nearly as much as it will burn if you use cold to lukewarm lather.

- Use short quick strokes going WITH THE GRAIN. I cannot stress this enough. There is literally nothing worse in the world than a bush of ingrown anus hairs, I'm including genocide in this.

- It's also very important to be surehanded. Do not do this if you've just drank too much coffee or if you're a little drunk. I know it's difficult because the only time you ever think to shave your ass is when you're drunk, but you really don't want to mess up and circumcise your own pooper.

- My last tip is to use a decent razor. Do not go cheap on this! Some people think they can run a disposable single blade Bic across their shithole and have that be okay, it's not. You're gonna want to go Shick Quattro on that bitch all the way or you MAY live to regret it. I use an ancient Mayan gardening trowel but that's because I'm a trained expert.