As of Friday, January 18th 2013, the only contiguous American state that is not currently under immediate threat of The Deadly Flu Outbreak of 2013 is Tennessee. This is baffling physicians and scientists all over the nation considering Tennessee is surrounded on all sides by flu-ey death. If you hate being sick, move to Tennessee! Just not now, wait until the flu passes otherwise you'll fuck this up for everyone. How did this happen? Is Jack Daniels a proper substitute for a flu shot? The overwhelming evidence points to YES! So get to your local liquor store and start chugging! It usually kills whatever's inside you and if it doesn't at least you won't be conscious for most of the symptoms.
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