Banned Pampers Commercial From The 1970’s

Here’s a family that was insane before it was cool to be dysfunctional. They weren’t able to have a reality show back then, but if they did you can bet it would blow the Kardashians out of the water. Or would the Kardashians blow them? I’m not sure.

3D Printer Draws Designs in Jello Shots

From YouTube - Spritetm

So this is what we’re doing with technology now. With 3D printers you can now print your own assault rifle out of plastic and then get smashed on fun looking jello shots. That sounds like a merry Christmas! Hopefully one day after you’re done binge drinking all your 3D printed jello shots you can use the printer to fabricate yourself a brand new liver. That would be convenient. In the future, 3D printers will be able to create everything that can kill you AND everything that can save you at the same exact time.

Salt Lake City Secret Angel Delivery Homeless Prank

From YouTube - stuartedge

Here's a bankers box to remind you of when you got laid off.

Salt Lake City has such a young and vibrant hobo community. I can’t tell if they’re homeless or just college students. 

I feel this is a little patronizing to these homeless people. Yes, it’s great that they’re being helped, but to tell them it’s an angel delivery service is sort of insulting to an adult’s intelligence. If these were homeless children I’d say that was fine. Maybe even if they were mentally ill it would be okay, but these folks are apparently all sane so it just comes off feeling strange. Also in the video one homeless guy says "Thanks" and the charity dude says "Any time!" Any time? I'm surprised the homeless guy didn't ask to move in. I'm sure that would classify as "any time".

Australian Guy Chokes Living Statue

From YouTube - gmcasey1

This would have made a great Fosters commercial. It seems odd, but this is how I tried to get a Buckingham Palace guard to laugh. If the living statue died in that fight would he be buried or would they just spray him with sealant and plant him on a marble base as his own memorial? That’s probably the one benefit to being a living statue, your family doesn't have to buy a tombstone because you’re it.

Everyone has a talent and for living statues that talent is standing still. I don’t get why they stand still though, if you’re a living statue that means you should get to move around. If you’re a dead statue then that’s just a normal non-moving statue. I don’t care what your insides are doing. It’s very dangerous to be a living statue because if you pass out somewhere no one will call you help, they’ll just think an actual statue tipped over and they might just take a piss on you or something.

By the way, how weird is the word "Statue". Look at it. It doesn't even look like it should be a real word. Maybe it's just pretending to be a word. What a POSEUR! Again, another word that doesn't seem like it should be a word. Why are they all French?

The Top Ten WORST Songs to Have Sex to of All-Time!

Music is like a drug and songs are like hits of a drug. Some hits enhance experiences, others ruin them completely. Here are ten of the worst songs to have sex to of all time. If any of these are on your “Romance” mix CD, do yourself a favor and remove them immediately or risk permanent emotional scarring.

10. James Baskett - “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah”

A classic song and a catchy tune, but it just doesn’t fit the mood of sexual relations. Plus, the odd racial overtones give it that added element of awkwardness.

9. Rick Astley - “Never Gonna Give You Up”

It WAS at one time the most romantic song ever written, but thanks to the trend of “Rick rolling” it’s hard to make love to this song seriously.

8. Beach Boys - “Problem Child”

This is not a widely known song, but it was the ending credits theme from the 1990 film “Problem Child”. It’s a fun song, but it’s totally ill fitting for lovemaking.

7. The Andy Kaufman Wrestling Entrance Theme

Normally I’d say this is a great song to have sex to, but it’s 25 seconds long and most women will tell you that just isn’t enough and you need to "go see a doctor or something".

6. Frank Sinatra - “My Way”

This song is great, but let’s face it, it’s better suited for funeral tributes and if there’s anything the police have told me it’s funerals and sex DO NOT mix

5. Tiny Tim - “Tiptoe Through The Tulips”

Most people consider this song to be a little creepy even when there isn’t a man in a human skin mask caressing their body. So when I put on my human skin mask, wow, talk about uncomfortable!

4. The Tetris Song

It’s a song most people enjoy and boning to this is a famous Russian tradition, but the main problem is it speeds up toward the end and if you try to keep pace you can suffer a heart attack. No bueno!

3. Dr. Seuss - “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”

Nothing takes a person out of a sexual mood like hearing a man sing ridiculous insults at a “Grinch” character. Just the imagery of a “dead tomato” and “moldy purple spots” really ruins the sexiness of any situation.

2. The Lion King - “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King”

The only saving grace to this song is the fact that it’s not actually Jonathan Taylor Thomas singing. Nonetheless, it won’t be long until you remember the scene where Mufasa dies and before you know it, you’re weeping like a little girl which really tends to frighten most women.

1. Vince Guaraldi - “The Charlie Brown Theme”

I don’t care if it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas, this is quite possibly the worst song to have sex to. Personally, I enjoy it, the rhythm is great, but I have been told countless times it’s creepy and it has ruined many relationships for me so that’s why the Charlie Brown Peanuts song is the number one worst song to have sex to of ALL-TIME!

Woman Flippantly Flipping Her Car

From YouTube - Frisco68

“Hi, this is Becky from OnStar-- Oh, it’s YOU again…”

I originally commented on this video that her daily routine is “Wake up, shower, get coffee, flip car, walk to work.” But it really does seem like this is normal for her. At this point this woman is on a first name basis with everyone at OnStar and emergency services. If this had been me flipping my car I would at least have said something like “Holy shit…” But that’s the type of thing you say when something that’s never happened before has just occurred. No one says “Holy shit” after they finish brushing their teeth. The only way this video would have been better is if Britney Spears “Oops, I Did it Again” was playing on the radio.

The First Racist Robot

From YouTube - ivcvideo:

When I watch a video on YouTube I like to make a quick comment that I think people will like, but sometimes I have more thoughts about the video so instead of posting another comment I’ll write them here.

This is a video about a sorting robot that was designed to autonomously segregate colored candies like M&Ms and Skittles. I commented that it was the first racist robot ever and while I know racism implies hatred, a feeling no robot can experience, this could still be a very dangerous technology.

Sure it’s just sorting out candy today, but as we all know this is just the first glimpse of a device that will develop over time. Imagine how terrifying this will be in a hundred years or so when it’s 100 feet tall with a giant claw picking out Hispanic, White, African American and Asian people from a group and throwing them in a giant collection tank or whathaveyou. When the robots gain self-awareness it may be entirely possible that they would want to split us up into groups before harvesting our brains and organs. It seems farfetched at the moment, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

A Christmas Carol on Drugs

Ever wondered what would have happened if Scrooge just got high as hell off of NyQuil instead of seeing the ghosts of Christmas?

How Come I See BinkieMcFartnuggets Comments All Over YouTube?

Lately, a few people have started asking "Why do I keep seeing you in the YouTube comments?" and "Are you Satan?" Here's the answer to those questions:  Some people read on the toilet, I watch YouTube videos and write comments on them. Who in god's name would spend time from their actual day watching random YouTube videos? No. Toilet time is video time and there's nothing wrong with that. The way I see it, I'm viewing shit while I'm taking one. I suggest everyone do this. It really helps you relax. If you're focused on shitting with no distraction sometimes you can clinch up and your bowels won't evacuate entirely. If you're watching stupid cat videos, everything loosens up and before you know it, YOU'RE DONE!

Who can argue with this? I'm merely stating facts here.

So yeah, I may spend anywhere from 5 minutes to several hours watching YouTube videos, depending on the mood of my colon that day. If you see my comments all over the place it's because over the past year I've been doing a lot of crapping, much like a fetus. There you have it, a little insight into my world. Now you know whenever you see one of my comments, I was shitting when I typed it. You're stuck with that image now. You're welcome.

If you see me everywhere, it's only because you're everywhere too... Yeah, let that swirl around in your head for a minute.

The Evolution of Banned Commercials

Advertisers have always been trying to push the envelope on what’s acceptable for broadcast and here are three examples that failed terribly.

Weirdo Nutbag TV Commercials For NyQuil, Crest, and Ice Cream

Back then they thought NyQuil was a wonder drug that could cure any malady. They were wrong. In many cases, dead wrong.

A Trio of Oddball TV Ads from Older Times

Try as you might, you won’t be able to find Ekrich Animal Sausage, Adult Pampers, or Crest Vaginal Cream in any major retail stores.