Can They Stop Calling It "Miss Universe"?

Do you have any idea how arrogant it is to declare someone the most beautiful person in the universe? The sheer hyperbole self-satirizes the title. Are we that sure that these women in the Miss Universe pageant are the best looking in the UNIVERSE? What if a million light years away there's a woman that looks like Scarlett Johansson except with eighteen boobs? What then?! I'll tell you what then! Then your contest means nothing!

I'm no stranger to hyperbole. When I crack a huge fart I yell "Wow! That was the loudest fart in the world!" And as I'm saying that in the dentist's waiting room everyone knows I'm clearly being facetious. Of course there are many people much larger than me who have produced far louder farts on the planet Earth. That being said, I would never dare to even joke that my fart was the "loudest in the UNIVERSE". That's absolutely ridiculous. That crosses the boundary from just plain stupid to such a joke that it could never be taken seriously as a valid statement by anyone. So if I can't do that with my farts how come these people get to do it with beauty pageants? That's all I'm saying!