Tis the season to be jabbed with a syringe by some weirdo at a CVS so you don't get a horrible virus that causes wretched vomiting and life threatening fever. If you're like me you hate getting a flu shot and you're always looking for an alternative way to innoculate yourself from influenza and other dangerous illnesses. One great alternative to a flu shot is simply tongue kissing your local hobo. This acts basically just like a flu shot except it's 100% FREE AND it also technically counts as charity if you're a good kisser. Yes there is a chance you will contract throat Syphilis or mouth Herpes, but if you get Syphilis then at least it's flu season so everyone will just think you have a cold, and as far as herpes goes, something like 1 out of 3 people has Herpes and most of us don't even know it so it's fine.
The next best alternative to getting a flu shot is also completely free. The next time you're in a public bathroom just take a quick lick of the floor right in front of the sinks. Don't baste the tiles with your tongue, but give a quick dab, that's all you need to expose your immune system to a MULTITUDE of diseases and viruses. The cornucopia of illnesses will then show themselves to your body and give it a chance to combat them in small doses making you effectivly invincible for up to five years,
Some people criticize my methods, they say they're dangerous and disgusting, but there's a slight chance a flu shot can kill you. Who has ever heard of anyone dying after French kissing a hobo or licking a gas station bathroom floor? That's what I thought...
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