Creative Christmas Stocking Stuffer Ideas

Every year Santa Claus comes by and "stuffs your stocking" while you're sleeping, but sometimes he won't if you've been very naughty or your stocking is too dirty. If you're one of these filthy stocking naughty people you'll have to stuff your own stocking for Christmas. Most people usually stuff stockings with the same old shit, candy canes, Penthouse Magazine, carnival cruise tickets, morning after pills, etc. But to make this year's Christmas unforgettable you're going to want to step it up to the next level.

First off, make sure to fasten your stockings well. The last thing you want is that sucker falling into the fireplace and having the lithium ion battery in the iPod you put in there to explode and set the Christmas tree on fire which then engulfs your entire home in a yuletide inferno killing everyone from carbon monoxide and smoke inhalation in their sleep.

One of my favorite things to do with stockings is put a bag of cookies and milk in there so it's fun for Santa. He looks around on the table for the C n' M and thinks you forgot, then he goes to peek in your stocking and is shocked to find it in there. It's surely a thrill for that jolly bastard and isn't it about time we start giving back to Santa whenever possible for all the good that he does?

Another thing you can do is stuff a person's stocking with a slightly smaller stocking and inside that smaller stocking an even smaller stocking and so on like Russian dolls until there's a tiny doll sock with a ring in there. That's a much better way to propose than putting it in their coffee cake or up their butt when they're sleeping or any of that stupid Hollywood BS.

And my favorite stocking stuffer prank is to fill the stockings with egg nog then wake everyone up by screaming "SANTA CAME IN THE STOCKINGS!" That always gets a laugh at my house, not so much at the neighbors', but I think they're Jewish so that might have something to do with it.