The BEST Way To Cure The Hiccups

People are always bragging about how they know the best way to stop the hiccups, then you try their way and it never works, well I've got the REAL way to stop the hiccups and it works every single time without fail. First, stuff your nostrils with peanut butter. Then take a substantially sized dildo and put it in your butt. It is most likely that the sensory overload these actions create will distract your entire central nervous system from the hiccups and allow the diaphragm to relax long enough for the spasms causing the hiccups to stop. This is partially where the old wives' tale about scaring someone with the hiccups, except a brief scare is often not enough, but a dildo in the ass will always do the trick. The only question is, how bad do you want your hiccups gone? Note: If you frequently put dildos in your ass and have lost your anal gag reflex this method may not work as described, it definitely needs to be shock. But then again, if you're no stranger to things up your ass on a near constant basis, odds are you've got bigger problems than the occasional case of hiccups.