What if Santa Was a Woman?

It's the holiday season and that means questioning Santa's sexuality and gender. A lot of people have been asking me lately if I think Santa could be a woman. That's an interesting question. I think more people have entertained the thought of God as a woman than Santa Claus being a woman. There's never really been a substantiated eyewitness sighting of the REAL Santa Claus so it very well might be a woman and we'd never even know. Here's what we DO know:

- Santa loves children.

- Santa loves stockings.

- Santa has breasts.

- Santa has rosy red cheeks that may be applied with makeup.

Those are all very feminine traits, but the kicker for me is that Santa eats all those cookies and milk then disappears for a whole year, the way an actual woman might if she was experiencing severe grief and guilt from that level of binge eating. So is Santa a woman? I don't know. I'm saying there's a chance and until someone brings me the body of this Santa Claus so we can have it examined and dissected then no one will truly know for sure so let the speculation continue!