Dumbass Sayings: “Golden Parachute”

When an executive of a company either gets fired or their company goes out of business they usually end up with millions and millions of dollars as a reward for their failures. This is known to the public as a “Golden parachute.” This is a weird saying because an actual parachute made of gold would likely tear apart and lead to death. Now if the executives got millions of dollars and then died immediately after, this might be an accurate expression. That’s not really what happens though. A golden safety net might make more sense. You’d probably have a much better chance at surviving a leap out of a building into a safety net made of gold than you’d have jumping out of a plane with a parachute made of gold. Plus, “Golden parachute” is the name of a sex act. I can’t hear the term “Golden parachute” without thinking about slapping a woman on the back with a piss soaked bedsheet. This is like calling someone’s severance package a “Dirty sanchez.” Well, that is fairly accurate for what happens to most non-executive workers.

The rich put their dick in the ass of the poor so if the golden parachute doesn't deploy they have something to break their fall.