7.14.2015

The Top 10 Hardest Things to Explain to Your Children

One of the hardest things about having a child is having to teach them things and explain all the weird shit that occurs on this planet. So much of the daily issues we face are incredibly complex and most adults don’t even have a firm grasp on them. The trouble comes when these people have children and those children ask them questions about the issues and they have to come up with answers. This is one of the biggest reasons people oppose same-sex marriage. People don’t want to be put in a situation where they have to risk confusing their children, but the truth is, there are far more confusing issues to explain to your kids.


10. Gay marriage
Same sex marriage really isn’t that difficult to explain. It’s two men or two women getting married. Why anyone would want to get married or think it means anything in today’s world is the more confusing part.

"Well, son... Sometimes women marry women who look almost exactly like men."



9. Racism
Children aren’t inherently racist, so racism is something you have to explain to them. Some parents have such a hard time explaining it they just to teach the kids how to be racist instead. While that’s much easier to do, it’s really not helping the child.

"Sometimes people dress up like ghosts to harass minorities."


8. Sexism
Explaining to kids why people are fearful of others who have a different skin color is a little easier than explaining why people would mistreat other people of the same ethnicity because they have a vagina. The reason sexism is harder to explain is because you actually have to explain it, there’s no cop out where you just teach the kid to be sexist. Mommy doesn’t like that.

"Sometimes women are treated like objects despite being living humans."


7. Climate change
If more people had said “Why don’t we all recycle and lower carbon emissions? How am I supposed to explain rising sea levels to my children?!” I think we might be doing better with climate change right now. However, just like gay marriage, it’s a little too late. The damage has been done and it’s here whether you like it or not so you better work on your apology now while your house is above water.

"Sometimes even though it's getting hotter we can be heading for a mini ice age."

6. Caitlyn Jenner
How exactly do you explain to a child that a 65-year-old man has spent his entire life as a man when he was really a woman mentally and emotionally? You have to just be honest and say “You can be whatever gender you want these days.” The difficulty comes in dealing with what happens when your kid finds out that’s an option. What you have to remember is it’s better for them in the long run to know that’s an option. You’d probably prefer if it wasn’t, but better they figure it out now than when they’re a 65-year-old reality tv star.

"That's a huge bitch!"


5. Rachel Dolezal
After you’ve finished explaining racism to your children, you’re not quite done yet because then there’s Rachel Dolezal. Now most parents would probably avoid the issue of Transracial people altogether, but if you’re going to do your due diligence you have to give it a shot.

"Sometimes people think they can be taken seriously with this hairstyle."


4. ISIS
Nothing’s more terrifying to a parent than when their child asks them “What’s ISIS?” Well if you freeze and have nothing to say then the terrorists have won. Explaining the history of the Middle East to a child can be incredibly difficult and seem almost as fruitless as the pursuit of peace there. At the very least you’ll have to explain to a child what the term “Clusterfuck” means.

"Sometimes organizations can make their flags in Microsoft Paint and assume no one will notice."


3. Your divorce
Now even though loads of movies over the years have provided perfect scripts for explaining divorce to kids, that doesn’t make the lines any easier to deliver. “It’s not your fault, honey. Sometimes mommies and daddies just stop loving each other” may be the stock answer, but nothing can prepare you for the look in their eyes.

"Sometimes 'Take my wife please' is meant literally."


2. The national debt
What is the national debt? Who exactly do we owe the money to? Why do we have to pay it back? These are all questions that adults have so you can imagine how much more confused children are about it. The problem is they’re going to be the ones who have to deal with it so it’d probably be best if they understood the problem.

"Son, one day your grandchildren might be indentured servants in China."


And the number one most difficult thing to explain to your children is...



1. Why you have such a difficult time explaining things
If your main argument to people having equal rights is “How do I explain this to my kids?” then there may come a time when you have to explain to your kids why you’re so uncomfortable with explanations. The ability to explain things is a major sign of intelligence. Teachers and professors are merely paid explainers. If explaining is difficult then there’s a good chance you’re stupid and that’s never easy to admit to your kids. Most people don’t think they need to explain this because they were obviously dumb enough to have a baby. If you just explained to your wife what a bad idea getting pregnant would be...

"I wasn't smart enough to pull out, you think I'm smart enough to explain the world?"

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