Ask McFartnuggets: “What Happens When Everyone is a Zombie?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

How come whenever you see zombies in movies they’re always just eating people and turning them into zombies also? What happens when they turn everyone on Earth into a zombie? What then? What the hell will they eat? Are they stupid or something? If they’re all going to end up starving in the best case scenario for them then why even spread the virus? Shouldn’t they just cut to the chase and kill themselves so humans can exist and keep enjoying life? -- Wendy from Chattanooga, Tennessee

Dear Wendy:

Yes, ultimately when zombies rule the world they will have no more living human flesh to eat and will starve to death. Unless the zombies figure out some way to breed and harvest humans as a renewable resource they will be in some serious trouble. Of course the major problem facing zombies is they’re dumb as hell and they're only concerned with their own current satisfaction. They don’t have the foresight to plan ahead and lay a path for future zombie generations. If they want to survive well into the future they’ll need to evolve to become smarter, but this could take thousands of years and that’s time they don’t have. As far as them realizing their fate was inevitable, you can’t expect them to just kill themselves. They’d have to see themselves as monsters which they don’t. Fortunately for zombies they don’t listen to all the comments from the haters on Facebook. Plus, we all die eventually does that mean everyone should commit suicide now and get it over with? No, life is all about the journey and enjoying food. Being undead is the same way. Really the only difference between modern humans and zombies is zombies don’t take photos of their meals and post them on Instagram. Who’s to say we have more of a right to live than they do? If it comes to pass that zombies roam the planet trying to extinguish mankind then that’s their journey and it’ll just be the last chapter of genocidal colonial expansion in our history.

Zombies aren't the best when it comes to planning. For example, togas aren't a great clothing choice if you're chasing people.

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