The Top 5 Weirdest Hairstyles For Your Pubic Hair

Summer is now here which means you’ve gotta have your pubic hair styling game on point. If you’re bored of the straight up shaved look you might be inspired to try some different styles. The purpose of this article is to warn you from my personal experience about which styles definitely won’t work. Here are the top 5 weirdest hairstyles for your pubes:

5. Dreadlocks

Dreadlocks are a great way to keep your hair under control in the summer heat. The only problem is it looks like you’re perpetually giving birth to the Predator. This will invariably lead to many people asking the question “What the hell are you?”

If your crotch looks like a Rastafarian you've gone too far.

4. Mohawk

A pubic mohawk always looks bizarre and it’s a very tricky look to pull off. For maximum effect you need to dye the hair a neon color which may affect your fertility.

You could put an eye out with that!

3. Cornrows

Your pubes aren’t a Puerto Rican female boxer, they don’t need to be in cornrows. As a matter of fact, it’s not a good idea to compare your pubic hair to a cornfield in any way. There should be no scarecrows and there definitely shouldn’t be any crop circles.

Braids can hurt on your head so just imagine what it's like when someone's braiding your asshair!

2. Comb over

If you’ve been experiencing pubic hair loss, or dick pattern baldness as it’s called, you may be tempted to go with the comb over look. Of course the comb over isn’t fooling anyone and it really only serves a depressing reminder of what used to be there. It’s better to just shave what few hairs you have, get some wax, and try to pull off the bald look.

Your crotch should never look like a middle aged Don Rickles.

And the number one weirdest pubic hairstyle is...

1. Beehive

People don’t even wear beehives on their heads anymore so it’s not a good idea to put it on your crotch. Unless you want your genitals to look like a wasps nest, I wouldn’t recommend the beehive. Lord knows what could end up nesting in that and coming out to bite people who were brave enough to venture in there.

We all know your genitals produce sweet nectar, you don't have to complete the metaphor.