Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Aren’t There Ever Any Women Muggers?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Have you ever noticed that women never mug anyone? When was the last time you heard of anyone getting mugged by a woman? Like women never need to mug someone and don’t have access to a gun? People say not to be prejudice, but I think it’s safe to say if you see a woman walking down the street at night she’s not going to mug you. What is the matter with women? Why can’t they mug people like everyone else? -- Paulie from Orlando, FL

Dear Paulie:

Clearly you’ve never been with a prostitute before. Women definitely can mug you, they just like to wait for your to be naked so you can’t chase them outside. Then if you do all of a sudden YOU look like the psycho. It’s a very clever, calculated strategy that works like a charm nearly every time. The reason you never see a woman just straight up mug someone on the street is because there’s a lot of risk involved in that. If men could steal a naked man’s money in a hotel room they would, but they can’t. Women take every advantage they have and use it. So yes they do mug people, but you never hear about it because it’s not like I’m going to report it and have my wife ask why I was at the Days Inn during my lunch break.

Women rarely mug, but when they do it's with a fake red knife and it's more of a hostage situation.

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