Dumbass Sayings: “Eating Out”

When you repeatedly put your tongue in a below-the-equator orifice for pleasurable purposes they call that “eating someone out.” I think this is a horribly mislabeled term. First of all, who “eats” like that? Maybe if you’re in a pie eating contest that’s acceptable table manners, but in any other situation it’s best to have some utensils and a napkin laid across your lap. Normally when I eat out I like to use a salad fork and pair the meal with some wine. Yet, when you’re “eating out” those behaviors are seen as a bit odd which always leads me to wonder what’s going on? Are we eating out or not? The ideal “eating out” scenario for most people seems to be akin to a dog eating a bowl of kibble. Well if we’re going to be acting like dogs then I think there’s a certain position that would match quite well with dinner. I’m willing to tip.

You can actually get thrown out of most restaurants for eating your food like pussy.