The Top 5 Benefits To Being a Woman

Some women complain about all the advantages that men have over women and yes men have some advantages over women, but women have their own advantages too. You’ll notice that most women don’t ever say that men have it better than women overall and they wish they were men. That’s because the advantages that women have actually outweigh whatever advantages men have. Believe it or not, Bruce Jenner will experience some benefits. Here are the top 5 advantages to being a woman in today’s society:

5. It’s socially unacceptable to hit a woman.

Yes it’s socially unacceptable to hit anyone, but it’s super unacceptable to hit women just the same way it’s wrong to hit children. I agree with this, I’m just saying it’s kind of weird how we group women and children in the same company. That seems condescending to me. Fact is, it’s a societal rule so women can get away with a lot more trash talking than men can. I treat women equally so while I do think it’s wrong for men to hit them, if you kill my grandchildren for example I don’t care if you’re a woman or a man, you’re getting a knuckle sandwich, sucka.

Some people believe you shouldn't hit women because they're weak. Those people sicken me.

4. Free shit.

One disadvantage women cite is the Pink Tax or the woman tax that makes female themed razors, moisturizers, etc. more expensive than the same male versions. I think women are looking at this all wrong, it’s not a tax on women, it’s a discount for men. You think a man wants to buy moisturizer? There needs to be a financial incentive for male grooming. Companies know women can’t live without this stuff so they take mild advantage. Yes there is a Pink Tax, but the good news is you can manipulate nearly any guy into offering you a tax refund in the form of a free drink or meal whenever you want. Women basically have a “Free Drink and Meal” coupon that never expires and all they have to do to redeem it is say yes to a date and leave the guy with blue balls. That’s at least a $5,000 retail value by the end of your life even if you didn’t go out that much.

To women, bars are basically like Free Beverage Stations.

3. Old women aren’t as desperate for sex.

One of the major tragedies of humans is that as we age our genitals begin to shut down and close up shop. What’s extra messed up is that old men usually stay relatively horny which is really a curse. There’s nothing worse than being an old horny guy because odds are all you’ll be doing is offering Pink Tax refunds and never getting laid because what woman wants to have a liver spotted dick in them? Elderly women on the other hand tend to give up on sex a lot easier. You never see really old ladies out on the prowl to get their bang on. This saves them a lot of heartache which is critical when the heart is old and weak.

You think this lady is on the prowl for a banging?

2. Even the ugliest woman looks better than most men.

An interesting thing you may have noticed in life is that a lot of “unattractive” women not only look like men, but like men who are considered good looking. I can’t tell you how many old ladies I’ve seen who look just like James Caan. I saw a lesbian the other day who looked just like a young Elvis. Now, if you found out Young Elvis was a woman you’d be like “Damn that chick is ugly” however, as a man he was a sex symbol. There’s something to be said about this. Even if you’re considered an “ugly” woman there’s a decent change you look objectively better than even a handsome man.

For a woman she's ugly as sin, but as a man it looks kind of like Jon Favreau who's a famous actor/director.

And the number one benefit to being a woman is...

1. The ability to make people.

Women really don’t like to bring up their ability to replicate humans because if they did it would ruin any complaint they were trying to make. Women can create humans in their bodies. Think about that. If I could do that I’d never leave the house. I’d just be artificially inseminating myself every 9 months trying to make a clone army, you know, like those families on TLC. Sure it would probably hurt the first five times, but after that your vagina basically turns into a doggie door.

The only negative is it usually takes another person to help, but REAL women can give birth all by themselves.

So if you’re a woman, the next time you want to complain about the wage gap or being catcalled just remember you’re basically a living god. Understand that men place these restrictions on women on purpose because if there was full-on “equality,” women would keep the aforementioned benefits listed and then have a tremendous over-advantage. At that point, women would fully take over the world and that kinda defeats the idea of equality. It’s better if men can maintain the idea that they’re in control. It’s like letting a mentally handicapped child beat you in basketball. It’s just the right thing to do.