Ask McFartnuggets: “How Are You Supposed To Handle A Grown Adult Trick or Treater?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
This past Halloween was really great, the whole family had a lot of fun. There was only one negative spot. We heard the doorbell ring at around 8 PM and I grabbed the bowl of candy to greet the trick or treaters. Instead of a group of little kids dressed like Ninja Turtles, there was just a grown man six foot tall wearing overalls with a cheesecloth over his face holding his hand out. He said “Candy!” I felt a little weird giving him candy since it’s clearly an adult and the holiday is for kids. Still, I felt really awkward about it so I handed him a bite sized Snickers. He stayed there and didn’t leave. He kept his hand held out and repeated “Candy!” Now at this point I felt very uncomfortable. I would have gone to get my husband, but he was out with the kids. I like to stay home and greet the trick or treaters. I gave him one more piece and then he started sobbing. The sobbing then turned into a growling sound and I got really scared and slammed the door in his face. When I looked out the window he was gone. Then I heard some noises at the back door, but thank god I locked it. We didn’t see him again after that, I have no idea who it was. Is there a certain way you’re supposed to deal with adult trick or treaters? Should you even give them candy at all? -- Loretta from Galveston, Texas

Dear Loretta:
I think that might have just been a murderer… What your mistake here was is you didn’t look through the peephole first. Always check the peephole before you answer your front door especially on Halloween. You never know who the hell is going to be out there. Yes you can assume it’s harmless children, but sometimes it’s a group of adults dressed up like it’s The Purge. If you see sketchy looking adults then that’s when you should go upstairs and get your gun or grab the phone to call the cops in case they start threatening you. You do NOT answer the door for them and you definitely don’t give into their psychotic requests for candy.

A grown man trick or treating automatically counts as a trick so therefore no treat should be given.

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