Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Store Nudes in the Cloud?”

Dear McFartnuggets:  
There has been a huge controversy over cloud storage ever since all those celebrity nude photos were hacked and released to the public. What I’m asking is why would anyone ever keep nude photos of themselves in the virtual cloud? Why not just send them to who you’re going to send them to then delete them? Seriously like your genitals won’t be available for a photoshoot later? All you have to do is take your pants off and they’re right there. Your pussy isn’t like your vacation to Aruba! I mean they can both get pretty hot and muggy, but that’s where the comparisons end! -- Irwin from Toronto, Canada

Dear Irwin:
You sir clearly do not understand the artistry of the nude selfie. Sure you might have frequent access to your own genitalia, but sometimes the right photo can be elusive. The lighting has to be just right, it has to get your good side, the angles need to be on point, your balls can’t look sad, etc. And don’t get me started on taking photos of your own butthole. Good lord that should be an Olympic sport! Everything has to be perfectly timed. So yeah, when you nail the right asshole puckering selfie guess what, you’re going to want to save that in a virtual vault where it can be accessed by any computer at any time in case of an emergency. You may even want to go to the local printers and have a 24x36 glossy poster made up of it, but saving it to the cloud is the next best thing. You’d never want to just throw that in the trash. Plus, I’ve heard that every time you delete a nude selfie an angel loses its wings.

The Fappening gave a whole new meaning to the word CUMulonimbus.

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