8.17.2009

Are Deer The Epitome of Evil?

In Hopkinton, Rhode Island, a deer murdered a volunteer firefighter while he was riding around on his scooter (the firefighter was on the scooter, not the deer). Never mind the idea of a grown man riding a scooter, it's the 21st century, get used to it! This deer came out of nowhere onto the road and knocked this wholesome man so hard off his faggy transportation device he died. In case you were wondering, the deer lived, whether or not it was heard laughing at the scene of the crime as it trotted off into the woods to no consequence is still in question.

Another evil deer story comes from Bloomington, Indiana where a female deer trampled a family dog in its own backyard. Deer defenders say that the deer was merely trying to protect her newborn "fawn." The dog was an AFFENPINSCHER! In case you've never seen one of these fearsome deathbeasts, take a look, though I will warn you, it is disturbing...


The worst thing is, these are all very recent events. People want to portray deer as these peaceful, nurturing creatures of the wild... People are dumb. When will you open your doe-awed eyes and see the truth? Deer are not only evil, but they are out to get you and your miniature dog. It might not be today, it might not be next week, but there is probably a better chance of you being murdered by a deer than of you ever being able to successfully hug an adult deer.

And another thing! Deer must be pretty dumb to kill a firefighter. When its majestic land of trees and sap comes crashing down in a fiery ash, maybe that sack of shit will think about what a big mistake he made and want to go back and change it so bad he tries to devise a time machine, but can't build one because its hooves are terribly nonprehensile. Bastard deer.

3 comments :

  1. how does Santa sleep at night knowing he has relatives of these animals in his employ?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bob Fairlane1/15/13, 2:21 PM

    Fuck you, scooters are awesome.

    ReplyDelete