What will happen on 9-09-09?

9/09/09 is supposed to be lucky because '9' is lucky to many cultures. But really, how can a day of 9's be lucky? It would have to be lucky for everyone and that's just not possible. Not everyone can be equally lucky, that's not how luck works, and it damn sure ain't the way 9 works either! You may receive good luck today if you have properly appeased the 9 gods. And no they're not 9 separate gods, they're 4 very temperamental gods that represent the number 9 and all it stands for. In case you don't understand how temperamental they are, there used to be 15, but "motherfuckers couldn't keep quiet about some shit."

I actually woke up this morning at 9:09 AM and my clock doesn't have a seconds readout, but it didn't become 9:10 for awhile, so I'll just assume I woke up at 9:09:09 on the dot. Did I mention my pajamas were soaking in urine? That's gotta be a good sign, or a really bad one, depending on how you look at things, and whose urine it was. Hopefully by the time 9:09:09 PM rolls around I will be lucky enough to be fully dry, yes I am going to sit around waiting for myself to dry naturally because I don't believe in laundry machines or logical nakedness.

And as far as 10/10/10 goes, I will venture to guess that will be a much more eventful "many of the same numbers" day that our buffoon culture drools over. I heard that everyone who eats pork on that day will transform into several ravenous werewolves (one person will split into about five werewolves) and terrorize the rest of humanity as wildfires stretch across America while Asia laughs having already experienced their own version of this a day earlier. Then Abraham Lincoln will rise from the dead and kill several dozen people in search of flesh to spread over his bones. Once he has his flesh, he'll attempt a forceful coup over the current government and be killed by attack dogs on the White House lawn where he will be unable to choose the kind of health care he wants.

-Binkie McFartnuggets

No comments :

Post a Comment