Was Wilford Brimley's double "Too Fat To Kill"?

This guy from Florida who was convicted of killed his son-in-law in New Jersey claimed he was "too fat to kill". Meaning, he was too fat to have killed anyone, but that was clearly a load of Crisco. This guy murdered, then realized he didn't have enough energy to come up with a decent excuse. He claimed that he was too fat and lazy to have climbed the stairs to perch and wait to shoot his son-in-law. Since when can't obese people perch? Obese people perch! Perching involves thigh strength, not self-restraint at a buffet.

I don't appreciate this idea that someone 5'8 285 lbs is incapable of committing a murder. I think that's an insult. First of all, that's not even that obese! If this guy wanted a real excuse he could have packed on the pounds and gotten damn near half a ton and been unable to make it to court. Then the jury would have believed him, but then of course he wouldn't have been able to kill the son-in-law, so there's the catch... Plus, people would have been curious as to why he was purposely trying to gain weight and maybe in a lack of judgment caused by deep dish pizza he'd loudly mumble "Because I want to kill you all!" And everyone would be very suspicious of him from that point on.

Obese people should not be limited by jerks like this who use their weight as a murder defense. The only time fat should be used as a murder defense is when someone is stabbing you and your blubber keeps the knife from hitting vital organs. It's a good thing this guy didn't get off free and set a precedent because punks would've started to treat the obese even worse, knowing there'd be no way a large person could get away with a vengeance killing. They would dangle that fact over the person's head like a Twinkie on a rope, enraging them to the point of a possible cardiac emergency. At that point, the big person would probably just go ahead with the murder in a fit of uncontrolled rage and no one wants to see that.

-Binkie McFartnuggets

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