Ask McFartnuggets: “If 60 Is The New 50, Shouldn’t The New Age of Consent Be 28?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I’m always hearing people say shit like “60 is the new 50” and “50 is the new 40” and “40 is the new 30” and “30 is the new 20” so this means people are ten years younger than they actually are. If that’s true then shouldn’t the legal age of sexual consent in America be 28-years-old instead of 18? Because that would mean an 18-year-old is actually 8-years-old, or at least that’s how they feel based on this pattern that society is establishing. -- Marcus from Staten Island, New York

Dear Marcus:

No, the age of consent shouldn’t be 28-years-old because all these people saying 60 is the new 50 and 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30 and 30 is the new 20 are full of crap. Maybe only one of those is true, but they can’t all be. We’re not all ten years younger than our actual age. Maybe 60 is the new 50 but that’s where it stops. You can’t just keep going down the line because then you get into confusing situations like the one you just posed. For example: a 10-year-old is still a living being and is not 0. When you give birth to a baby it’s not negative 10 years old.

120 is the new 80.

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Ask McFartnuggets: “Is Orange Really The New Black?”

Mmm... Black juice.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Lately everyone is telling me “Orange is the new Black.” I hate when people say crap like this. Orange is the new black, black is the new white, pink is the new 50, 50 is the new 20, 20 is the new black, blah blah blahhhh!! What’s wrong with Black being the past present and future black? If orange is the new black then what does that mean for Halloween? Are all my Halloween decorations just going to be all black? That’s crazy! You need orange in there to provide some contrast for godsake! Orange isn’t the new black. You know what the new black is? African American. If anything is the new black, African American is the new black because that’s the term you’re supposed to use instead of “Black.” If that was what people were saying to me then that’s fine because the acceptable term for “Black” changes every ten or twenty years so that requires announcing what the new version is, but orange isn’t the new black. Who said that? Snooki? People who tan too much wish they were black, but that doesn’t mean orange is the new black. -- Michelle from Houston

Dear Michelle:

“Orange is the new Black” is just the name of a TV show about a women’s prison…

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