Dumbass Saying: “Get a Room”

Sometimes when two people are fornicating in the water fountain at the local park people yell “GET A ROOM!” The problem I have with this saying is that it rarely ever works. Do you really think people hear this during their passionate moaning and think “Yeah let’s stop our intense lovemaking and spend money on a private room at the nearest motel.” The whole reason they’re banging in public is because they don’t give a damn what anyone thinks to begin with. No, if you want to put a stop to a public exhibition of love whether it’s full on anal intercourse, making out, or simply just a couple holding hands, the best thing you can do is start masturbating. I can speak from experience on this. Nothing makes people more uncomfortable than when you’re jacking it to them. And since they’re the ones who started it, you sort of have a social excuse, more so than say if you just walked up to someone eating an ice cream cone. They’re doing something provocative, you’re masturbating to it. 9 times out of 10 they will stop and move along very quickly. This act is so brash that it overpowers any sort of emotion they were feeling. The beauty is that if by some chance they remain nonplussed you can just keep on going and have a great time yourself. It’s really a no-lose situation, provided there aren’t any police around to arrest all of you.

Get a NICE room, unless you're banging a nomadic grifter.

Why You Should Never Tell People To "Get A Room"

No one needs to see that.

When two people start having sexual relations in public others will usually walk by and yell “Get a room!” or some will just stare and record it with their smartphones. I never understood this saying. Why should they get a room? The worst part is when it’s two homeless people having sex. You can’t tell them to “get a room”. They would probably love to get a room, but they can’t, that’s why they’re homeless. You have no idea what type of financial situation these people are in. If they have a car you should say “Go to the backseat of your car!” Without knowing people’s situations it’s difficult to direct them to other places.

Also, you have no power to command people where to go. Instead of saying “Get a room!” you could say “Get in a basement dungeon!” or “Go to Alabama!” and it would be just as valid to the people you’re yelling at. Usually they’re not going anywhere, they’re probably too high to even realize you’re there. No, the best solution is not to yell “Get a room!” but rather to just throw a big tarp over the people. That way they can continue their nasty love making in public under a giant sheet and everyone else can avoid looking at it quite easily. That’s why I always bring a giant disposable tarp with me wherever I go because I never know when I’m going to see two hobos engaged in the art of passion.