Dumbass Sayings: “If I Could Lick My Own Nuts I’d Never Leave The House”

Yeah, who wouldn't
wanna lick THAT?!

When your Uncle James sees the family dog licking his testicles he usually says “Hey if I could lick my own nuts I’d never leave the house!” Really? You’d NEVER leave the house? You’d just lay on the bed all day with your laptop ordering your necessities to be delivered to you by Amazon drone? I’m not sure that’s an accurate portrayal of what would happen if you could lick your own ballsack. First off, I’m sure the taste of your own nuts would get boring pretty quick. What do nuts even taste like? Probably not great. It’s probably like licking two walnuts covered in sandpaper. Yeah that sounds really enticing. Even if you’re getting the pleasure of the tongue on there, the sensation and act of licking testicles has to cancel at least most of that out. It’d be like kissing a cactus that was blowing you. Yeah you’re getting blown, but you’re kissing a cactus, and also the cactus is blowing you so that’s not even real love. Basically what I’m trying to say is you would leave the house. The only reason you might not is out of shame and fear of judgement.