Holiday of Death

 Halloween is the only day of the year when you can have a fucking corpse on your porch and it actually ATTRACTS children. If you're planning to kill someone, do yourself a favor and do it on Halloween. You're WAY less likely to be caught. You can drive down to the ravine with a dead man in a Glad Forceflex bag and people will honk and yell "AWESOME CORPSE!" 

The only real negative to Halloween is since I'm lazy I tend to leave all the weird shit up the way normal people do with Christmas trees so in mid May there'll still be a bleeding skull on my door. On the plus side I tend to be left alone by the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I think I'm going trick-or-treating as Donald Trump this year. It's an easy costume, all I need is a business suit and a dead chihuahua to wear on my head.