Dumbass Sayings: “Laughing All The Way To The Bank”

When you wake up after being blackout drunk the night before sometimes you’ll notice your wallet that had 200 dollars in it is now empty. You start trying to remember what happened and you get an image of a whore lady. One of your friends who was at the hotel room tells you that you paid her to spend the night, then passed out while she was “laughing all the way to the bank.” Laughing all the way to the bank is not a smart thing to do. If you’re driving to the bank, that’s very unsafe. Driving while laughing should be considered driving while distracted. If you’re walking in an urban area there’s a good chance someone will see you laughing your way to the bank and see you as a perfect mugging target. They see someone walking and laughing hysterically at a big handful of money and their first inclination is to rob your ass. When you’re laughing you’re not fully paying attention to your surroundings. That’s why laughing and driving is so dangerous. So yeah I hope I find that lady laughing her way to the bank so I can take my money back while she’s busy yucking it up.

If people at banks still looked like this then maybe I could understand laughing there.

Dumbass Sayings: “Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness”

Have you ever seen Mario depressed?
It's because he's got all those
damn gold coins.

Sometimes people say “Money doesn’t buy happiness” or “Money can’t buy happiness”, but don’t tell that to a homeless person. Money might not ALWAYS buy happiness, but the last time I checked it can buy jet packs, chocolate factories, and high class prostitutes. Give those three things to someone and see if they aren’t feeling happy after a while. I think it’s almost impossible NOT to smile when you’re riding your own personal roller coaster on your private island full of midgets and big titted hookers. No one would be flying off their diving board into a swimming pool full of ice cream with a blank face.

Money can definitely buy happiness if its spent properly, like on chocolate factories and personal zombie butlers. If money didn’t buy happiness it wouldn’t be worth anything. There’d be no reason for anyone to want money at all. Unfortunately, that’s the exact purpose of money. Money was created to hold value and people value happiness. I think what the creator of this phrase meant to say is “You don’t have to pay for happiness.” That’s a saying I think we can all agree with.

Dumbass Sayings: “A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted”

Usually people say “A fool and his money are soon parted” after you lose all your life savings investing in a failed steak fajita flavored personal lubricant venture. This saying is ultimately worthless because it’s just something you can say to someone to kick them when they’re down. This is something you say to someone after they’ve just lost everything. They’re already feeling bad about being broke, but you’ve gotta call them a moron on top of it? Look, I get it! I screwed up! The world isn’t ready for fajita lube!

"I spent my life savings on this
tea fueled rocket pack."

How many morons do you know who have a lot of money? A lot of dumb people probably have more money than you. If a fool and his money are soon parted then what’s the hold up? If this saying was actually true then George W. Bush wouldn’t have his own ranch. Not only is this saying not true, but a lot of people actually make money by doing dumb stuff. (See: MTV’s “Jackass” and Fox News). The only time this saying could be true is if it’s referring to parting temporarily with your money, like when you buy an celebrity entertainment magazine or a bottle of fajita flavored lube…