Dumbass Sayings: “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child”

When your child is crying in public and a stranger walks up and smacks them in the face sometimes they’ll say “It takes a village... “ before walking away. First of all, you can’t just do that. You have to finish your damn sentence. You can’t just say “It takes a village…” and leave. Say the whole phrase or forget it. They mean to say “It takes a village to raise a child” and that is one of the most outdated sayings still currently used by people. For one, there aren’t that many villages left unless you’re Amish or in Europe. On top of that, no one wants strangers helping to raise their kids. No one wants strangers anywhere near their kids much less disciplining them or teaching them the ways of the world. It doesn’t take a village to raise a child it takes a single pair of loving parents, sometimes just one. The key is you have to really care about doing a good job raising a child. A village doesn’t give a crap about your kid, that’s why they shouldn’t be raising it.

Oh there's Dull Jeffrey from down the street teaching your baby how to swim.

Dumbass Sayings: “The Acorn Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree”

The universal symbol of the acorn.

When your friend’s son gets arrested for DUI manslaughter usually you elbow your friend and say something like “The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree!” This means that children are often like their parents. However, this saying doesn’t make much sense at all. First off, acorns DO fall far from a tree. If you’re an acorn, falling from a tree is like the equivalent of jumping off a skyscraper. The average acorn probably falls hundreds of body lengths when it drops from a tree. To an acorn that’s far and if you’re not an acorn, why do you care? A more understandable and accurate saying might be “The baby doesn’t fly too far out of the vagina.” That makes more sense because an acorn tree might be on a hill where the acorn can roll very far away after it falls, but a woman will never give birth off a cliff, usually the baby is right there in the mother’s arms.