The King of Creepy Doll Commercials

If you're reading this right now, you have just won a certificate that will entitle you to five free moments of the rest of the world's pity. What are you even doing here? How did you find this?! You aren't supposed to be here! Leave! Go! Don't look back at me! Just go! What is the matter with you?!

-Binkie McFartnuggets