Sometimes you’ll get a call from your ex-wife and she says “I’ve been trapped in a dangerous forest by Mexican elves, and I’m in a bit of a pickle here!” You know right away she’s probably on a bad drug trip and just wandered into the gardening section at Lowe’s again, that bitch has problems, but what you really focus on is that phrase “In a pickle.” How did this become a phrase? Obviously a person can’t fit into a pickle in the first place, but even if you could, why would being in fermented cucumber be the epitome of a difficult situation? Just eat your way out. I would find being trapped in some sort of inedible object like a steel box or my grandma a much more difficult situation to be in. Instead of saying “I’m a pickle” try saying “I’m fucking a clown.” That makes a lot more sense. When you’re fucking a clown not only is it a difficult situation, but it’s uncomfortable and it’s very tricky. So the next time you find yourself in a holding cell after a wild night going meth joy riding in a police tank, when you make that call to your lawyer just try saying “I’m going down on a clown really hard and I need some help here!” instead of “I’m in a bit of a pickle."
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| Most pickles end up either cut or bit open at one point or another so being trapped in one shouldn't be a big deal. |
