Dumbass Sayings: “Snitches Get Stitches”

Sometimes when you witness a physical assault in da hood either the perpetrator or an associate of the perpetrator will approach you and say “Snitches get stitches.” Really? Snitches get stitches? Good, I hope I do get stitches! How is that a threat? Surgical sutchers are very crucial to the healing of a severe wound. They allow body tissues to fuse back together. I’d rather have stitches than let an open wound stay open and bleed out. Basically what you’re saying is snitches receive medical attention. That’s a good thing, buddy. I think a more sensible saying would be “Snitches get beaten, stabbed, and/or shot and do not receive medical care afterward.” If you need something that rhymes just say “Snitches are bitches.” That basically communicates what you’re trying to say without being confusing.

If you're ever slashed by someone with a knife make sure to turn them in ASAP so you can get your free stitches.

Dumbass Sayings: “Kiss My Ass”

Making out with a sword:
not recommended.

Have you ever wondered why people say “Kiss my ass” to people that they hate? If someone’s kissing your ass that’s a tender, loving moment between two people who care about each other, not between some douchebag and a jerk who bumped into him on the sidewalk. When you say “Kiss my ass” it’s totally unlike saying “Go screw yourself” or “Blow me” because those are things you actually wish the other person would do. When you’re saying “Kiss my ass” that’s actually the last thing you want them to do. Even if someone said “Okay, let me kiss your ass.” Who would actually pull their pants down? It’s an empty threat that means nothing.

By saying “Kiss my ass” to someone you’re essentially saying “Kiss me!” You’re just being more specific about where to kiss, but it’s still a request to kiss which is completely out of place in a hostile interaction. Maybe if people said “Hug me!” instead of “Kiss my ass” there’d be less violence in the world and hugging could help cool people’s anger. You’ve certainly got a better chance of someone hugging you than kissing your ass.