5 Things You Should Always Do Before Leaving Your House In The Winter

During the winter months it’s important to wake up a little earlier than normal because there’s so much more you need to do before leaving the house. If you want to stay safe there are a few things you need to do. A surprising number of people actually don’t do these things, but if they did I’m sure they’d have much better days.

5. Stretch

It’s very crucial to stretch before you go outside in the cold because your muscles tighten up and become rigid. You need to get flexible before going out into the cold or you risk seriously tearing your back and or crotch.

Warning: If you're not an experienced stretcher, this move may cause you snap your spinal cord and crap your pants.

4. Exercise

While you’re stretching you may as well exercise too and get your body temperature up so you’re not cold when you go outside. Do 100 jumping jacks or run some wind sprints in your home before you head out the door. This will also help to get blood going to all your extremities and buy you some time against hypothermia.

This astronaut exercises because he knows it is very cold in space.

3. Dip your ears in wax

Here’s one very helpful thing to do in the winter that people rarely take my advice on. If you dip your ears in hot wax it will chill and form an airtight seal that protects your ear skin and ear drums from cold damage. It’s not as crazy as it sounds, ears are usedto wax. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.

Melted bees wax works fine just make sure there are no bees in there or you're in for a horrific experience.

2. Cover your entire face in cream

Everyone knows one of the worst things about cold weather is it turns your face into ashy ass elbow skin. Sure you can wear a creepy ski mask and scare people, OR you can coat your face in any cream or creamlike substance of your choice. It’s totally up to you! You don’t need to use lotion if you don’t want. You can just as easily use mayonnaise, a salve, mud, tapioca pudding, anything that will create a barrier between your skin and that harsh wind.

You're going to want to use something rich like creamy Alfredo sauce.

1. Take a dump

This is number one of the list just because it’s something you should always do before leaving the house regardless of the weather or season. In Winter, it’s particularly important to unleash the demons before heading out because you don’t know how long you’re going to be stuck in traffic if there’s been an accident ahead caused by treacherous icy conditions. Then you’re stuck having to poop in your car and leaving to crap bareassed in the cold in front of other drivers is not a great alternative.

Ya might want to scooch a little bit forward, buddy!