The Top 5 Reasons To Get A Dog

Choosing to adopt a dog is a big decision so you want to carefully weigh out the pros and cons. The only real cons are you have to go out for a walk every day and eventually the dog is going to die. On a brighter note, here are 5 huge pros to consider:

5. Dogs can warn you of an earthquake.

There aren’t that many good earthquake detectors out there, but dogs can usually sense seismic disturbances. A barking dog can give you a few seconds head start toward a doorway which could be the difference between you living and being smashed to death by your glass dildo collection.

If you're in a revolving doorway during an earthquake just keep running around in it.

4. They’re good conversation starters.

Dogs give you an excuse to talk to random people in the park without seeming like a psychopath, even if you really are. Jogging up to people without a dog and trying to start a conversation is damn near impossible without getting a face full of pepper spray, but add one simple dog into the mix and people’s defenses go down fast. People are really stupid to think that just because a guy has a cute dog that he’s automatically not a serial killer. Tons of insane people have dogs which leads us to the next reason to get a dog...

Approaching a woman while jogging with a dog is way better than approaching a woman while jogging with this statue.

3. Dogs love you no matter what.

Hitler had dogs who loved him. That just goes to show how much dogs don’t give a damn about what you do in your personal life. Maybe his dogs were racist, who knows? Regardless, they went along with his whole deal because they were dogs. Perhaps dogs love blindly to a fault, but it’s nice to know that whatever laws you’ve broken your dog will always be there.

Dogs will love you even if you're a good for nothing baby!

2. You have someone to blame your farts on who can't speak.

Everyone with a dog can tell you that a major benefit to having one is you can fart openly around company and as long as the dog is in the room there’s always a fog of doubt in the air. It helps to have a big dog if you intend on blaming farts a lot. After awhile no one is going to believe your thunderous cheesy bean dip farts are coming from a teacup chihuahua.

If you're a fan of beans, a dog is a good social investment.

1. You have someone to blame your poop on who can't speak.

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes, just sometimes you end up crapping yourself in your own home. If you have a dog, you can pull your pants down and just crap on the floor then blame the dog. Again, like farts it helps to have an appropriately sized dog like a Saint Bernard or Great Dane. Also don’t eat too much corn.

Who deep fries a turd? Seriously.

So there you have it, kids! If your parents are ambivalent about getting a dog just throw a couple of these benefits at them and it may be enough to sway them.