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Dear McFartnuggets: I was going to try calling one of those phone sex chat lines, but my buddy told me I could get hearing aids. Is this true? -- Willie G. from San Mateo, California
Dear Willie G.:
Yes, it is true. You can get hearing aids from phone sex, but only when you have the volume turned up too loud on the phone. Always keep your phone at a medium level of volume during any phone sex activity. I know when you’re in the moment you want it as loud as possible, but please keep in mind that sound volume is the number one cause of hearing aids in America. Also, the other people at the mall are probably a little disturbed.
It is also true that if you engage in phone sex with random strangers this increases the risk for hearing aids. It’s best to only engage in audio copulation with people you have known for awhile so you know what their normal speaking voice is like and can be assured that it will not cause you any discomfort when they’re screaming in the height of passion. If you need to wear an ear diaphragm to muffle the sound from your phone that’s also a decent prophylactic measure. Some people find that putting the call on speakerphone is best so the phone isn’t pressed up against your ear. This is nice, especially for phone orgies aka “cumference calls” but you need to be mindful of the other people in the room. You don’t want to force phone sex on anyone, that’s a felony. Everyone needs to be of age, you need consent, and don’t forget, NO MEANS NO!
Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com or don't! See if I care!
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