Ask McFartnuggets: “My Doctor Used Google?!" and “Stalking Ugly People?”

"Hmm, I think she's dead."

Dear McFartnuggets: I was at the doctor the other day trying to figure out what was wrong with me and my doctor started using Google right in front of me. Is this normal? Why didn’t he go into a different room at least? -- Stevon from Indiana

Dear Stevon:

Yes it’s true, nearly all doctors these days use Google. The problem is there are so many illnesses out there it’s really impossible for any one person to know them all. It was easy being a doctor back in the old days when a sick person either had Polio or Cancer and that was it. Back then a doctor could just say “You have Cancer” and that was the end of the visit. No medicine, no treatments, you just died. These days science has forced doctors to do a much more thorough job. The fact of the matter is anyone with wifi can be a doctor now. If you see your doctor using Google just stop them and tell them you’ll figure it out on your own. Hey, it could be worse! They could have been using Bing!

Dear McFartnuggets: Have you ever noticed how no one ever stalks ugly people? -- Rochelle from Irving, Texas

Dear Rochelle:

Yes I have noticed that, which is why I take a little time out of my week every week to stalk an ugly person. It’s a little bit of work, and it’s technically against the law, but it’s totally worth it to see the look of fear on those people’s faces. At that moment they know what it’s like to be a famous celebrity and I feel like I’ve made a difference. It's about fighting for equality!

My stalking clothes.

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