The Top 5 WORST Animal Milks For A Human To Drink

People love drinking milk, but mostly just the cow variety. Maybe sometimes you’ll drink a little goat milk or in rare, disgusting cases, horse milk, but aside from that all other animal milks are bad. Here are the top 5 animal milks you shouldn’t bother drinking:

5. Squirrel

Squirrels are some of the quickest animals around so catching them is no picnic. Then to top it all off their nipples are so damn tiny you’re lucky to get a teaspoon per squirrel. By the time you’ve got enough milk for your morning cereal you’re beat and ready to go to bed already.

To milk a squirrel you'll need tweezers, a thimble, and a lot of patience.

4. Pig

Human society has always had mixed feelings about eating anything from a pig. They are considered unclean animals so their milk probably isn’t the best. Then again, if by some chance it tastes like bacon you’ve got America’s next big breakfast beverage. Still, it’s just not worth the risk of getting caught by an angry pig farmer.

Don't end up like this guy.

3. Dog

Dog’s are man’s best friend and best friends don’t suck each other’s nipples, at least not outside of pornographic films. I know, they have a lot of teats so you think there’s plenty to go around, but just don’t.

...Or this guy

2. Dolphin

Very few people have ever tasted dolphin milk and that’s for a reason. Security at SeaWorld is pretty damn strict. Even if you do manage to get some one on one time with a dolphin at an aquarium, you’re almost always observed. Even if you weren’t it would be quite a feat to milk a dolphin.

Catching a dolphin is hard enough. Good luck milking one.

1. Lion

Talking about difficult to milk animals, the lion is clearly #1 on that list and this one. Drinking lion milk would undoubtedly be very healthy and maybe even cure cancer, but the trick is getting it. Some people think sucking on a lion’s teats is weird, but I say if you can manage to do it then you’ve earned it. Just keep in mind, failure will virtually always result in a horrific death.

Don't look behind you!

So there’s my list of the worst animal milks to drink and you might be saying “But what about gorilla milk? That tastes way worse than dolphin milk!” Calm down, freak! These are just my opinions here. Individual experiences may vary.