Dumbass Sayings: “Kicking Ass And Taking Names”

Always carry around a pen and
clipboard in case you need to
kick ass and take names.

Sometimes you’ll hear someone use the phrase “Kicking ass and taking names” to mean being tough or beating people up. The problem with this phrase is it only half makes sense. If you’re going around assaulting people that’s called “Kicking ass” but who really “Takes names”? When you finish pummelling someone’s buttocks with your foot do you stop and write their name down in a ledger? No! You run and get the hell out of there before the cops show up.

Taking names is a completely unnecessary step during the process of kicking asses. Odds are if you stop to take names eventually the police will arrive to not only take YOUR name, but take your ass to a holding cell. Plus, what are the odds the person you just beat up gives you their real name? Why would anyone do that? If someone kicks your ass, don’t give them your name. You’re only inviting future abuse into your life.

The only time this saying should actually be used is if you’re collecting signatures for a petition and influencing people to sign by physically assaulting them. Then and only then would this make a damn bit of sense.