5 Less Offensive Alternate Names For the Washington Redskins

I think one of the reasons the owner of the Washington Redskins won't change his team's name is because there aren't enough better options right now. Finding a great new sports team name is pretty difficult, just look at the Oklahoma City Thunder. That was a new team and they went with something really generic and boring. They probably should have kept the name Sonics, but maybe that was offensive to hedgehogs or something. Anyway, here are five new names to consider after the Redskins name is gone and buried.

5. "Washington Eskimos"

If you want to be less offensive yet still somewhat offensive, change the name to the Eskimos. Eskimo is the “Redskin” equivalent to the Inuit people, in case you didn’t know. Why is this less offensive? There are approximately 53,000 Inuit people in the world as opposed to 2.9 million Native Americans. To compare, there are 44.5 million African Americans. It’s really all about the number of people. If we call a team the “Washington Jeff Peterson’s A Dumbass” that’s only like a thousand people so the outrage would be minimal and that team name would last for a really long time.

That is one kickass igloo.

4. "Washington Greenskins"

Probably the best idea would be to change the Redskins to the Greenskins so it’s only offensive to Martians. Who cares if Martians are offended? If they have a problem with it they can make first contact and change everything about the way we view life on Earth today. That’s a win/win.

The aliens have so much to teach us, about dying.

3. "Washington Dignified Native Americans"

Sure it’s not the catchiest name, but it’s nice and respectful and isn't that what sports team names are supposed to be?

Tecumseh. Really fun name to say. Go ahead, say it.

2. "Washington R-Words"

This would be less offensive, but oddly more controversial because then it would get people who find the OTHER R-word offensive into the mix. They’d be thinking, “Hey! Are they talking about MY R-word? Or is it THEIR R-word?” No one can argue it’d be less offensive though. That’s why we call it the “R-word”, because even though it now means two separate horrible words, it doesn't explicitly mention them.

The real scarlet letter.

1. "Washington Skeletons"

If the whole problem is skin then why not just call them the Skeletons? Let’s strip the skin off and leave only the bare bones. Skeletons are pretty intimidating too, I’m sure they’d have a very scary logo. A little similar to the Buccaneers, but better because it’s an actual skeleton not just a skeleton on a flag. You do risk anorexic people finding this name offensive, but let’s deal with that problem when we get to it.

What in holy hell is going on here?