Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t People Ever Make Snowwomen?”

Snowwomen aren't even allowed to vote yet!

Dear McFartnuggets: When it snows it’s fun to build people out of snow, but how come we only make men out of snow? Why can’t we get some snow females out there? Where all the snow bitches?! -- Patrick from Lincoln, Nebraska

Dear Patrick:

You’re really onto something here. There is a HUGE gender inequality out there when it comes to snowpeople. Personally, I think it’s an outrage that people are unwilling to create snowwomen. Snowwomen are so rare and disrespected in society that if you type “snowwoman” it comes up as a damn typo and when you right-click the only suggestion is “snowman”. Ain’t that a bitch! And then we wonder why snowpeople don’t reproduce! It’s because every lawn out in America is a goddamn ice cold sausage fest!

Now you may have seen some people who claim to have made a “snowwoman” and it’s basically just a snowman with a bra and a flowery hat on. That isn’t a snowwoman. That’s a snowtranny. In order to make a genuine snowwoman you need to create a snow vagina or “snowgina” and bury two pieces of coal into the crotch of the snowwoman to make ovaries or “snowvaries”. THEN and ONLY THEN do you have a real snowwoman. Let’s get out there and start fighting for the voiceless. Make a snowwoman and do your part to close this disgusting gender inequality gap. Just don’t be surprised when you see a snowman magically appear right next to your snowwoman. Make sure to send the kids inside, they don’t need to see what’s going to happen.

Thanks for all the questions and keep sending them to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com!