Ask McFartnuggets: “What if Men Had Periods?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
What if men had periods like women? Could you imagine what the world would be like? Wouldn’t it be crazy! They would probably have “manpons” and try to act all cool about it. I wonder how they would deal with the cramps and mood swings. Isn’t that a funny idea!” -- Nia from Frankfort, Kentucky

Dear Nia:

Well, what would you classify as a period? Would a man’s period merely be bleeding out of the rectum? I mean men don’t have a uterine lining so a male period would have to be anal bleeding. If that’s the case then that is a known symptom of Shigellosis, a foodborne illness caused by the bacteria Shigella. Worldwide, Shigella is estimated to cause 80–165 million cases of disease and 600,000 deaths annually. This is particularly a pressing issue in the third world and leads to a great deal of human suffering. Dysentery as well Tuberculosis can cause male periods and it’s something that ends up killing millions every year.

Maybe you think a male period would be a man bleeding from his penis since a female period is where a woman bleeds from her vagina. Well sometimes men do bleed from their penises and it’s usually a sign of severe kidney problems, possibly even an enlarged prostate and this could be a sign of cancer. Not so funny anymore is it, Nia?

How do women even wear this stuff?

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and don’t forget to put “Ask McFartnuggets” in the subject line!