Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Care About The Triple Crown?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Why do people care about the Triple Crown? Is it really that important that a horse wins three races in a row? It’s a damn horse! What’s going to happen if a horse wins the Kentucky Derby, Preakness, and Belmont Stakes all in a row again? Are we going to all blow the horse or something? All these horses were bred to race. It’s not like it was a disadvantaged horse that came from the streets and came from the hood and battled through a poor school system and found racing as a salvation. If that was the case maybe I would care, but these are the horse descendants of great racehorses. Who cares! I get that the horse is fast and it’s a great athlete, but aren’t we all making a little too big of a deal about this? It’s a Hispanic midget spanking the ass of a large animal. Normally that’s something I get fired for watching at work, not a nationwide sports spectacle. -- Franklin from Venice Beach, California

Dear Franklin:

Only 11 horses have ever won the Triple Crown so it’s one of the rare feats in sports. It’s also fun to see fast horseys and they all have funny names. Of course the major reason people care is because of the gambling and wagers that are made on the horses. That’s the major attraction. It’s the Super Bowl of horse racing so even people who don’t bet on horses normally can get into it as a casual fan. Anything gambling related will always be popular so long as people want to be rich. Do you think Las Vegas would be as popular if casinos were just the games without any of the bets being made? No, if that was the case the Las Vegas strip would be as barren as the rest of Nevada. To continue the analogy, the excitement of watching horses race is like Vegas shows and other attractions meant for families. If there was no one betting on the Belmont Stakes then people still might go just for the race, but it wouldn’t be nearly the draw it is without the money being wagered. And lastly, people like horses. The Triple Crown is the one period of the year when horses are showcased on a national level. Now that we have cars and animal rights, horses aren’t nearly as big a part of life as they used to be. I’m sure they’ll take a spanking from a vertically halted individual once in awhile for the chance to be a great celebrity. Horses are like people, some of them really like to be stars and the Triple Crown is their time to shine damnit!

Some people say horses aren't real athletes, but your average horse is probably just as smart as the average human professional athlete.

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