My Top 5 Most Common Shower Thoughts

A lot is being made of shower thoughts these days (thoughts you have while in the shower). You hear a lot of shower thoughts like “When you think about it, your mouth is like a giant third nostril” or “If chicken and watermelon is racist how come cotton isn’t?” It seems like everyone is sharing their profound shower thoughts on social media with the hashtag #showerthoughts so I thought I’d share some of the most common thoughts that come to me while I’m in the shower.

5. “Why did I wash my balls before my face?”

There’s really no right way to wash yourself, but the one golden rule is to save your genitals for last. You don’t want to wash your ballsack and then go right up to your face.

4. “I hope I don’t slip and hit my head on the faucet…”

I think this is a fairly common shower thought. Everyone has a little fear somewhere tucked away of slipping in the shower, cracking your head on the metal faucet and having someone find your naked wet body laying there covered in blood and shit from when you defecated on yourself after expiring.

3. “Is it just me or do I shed an abnormal amount of pubic hair?”

I’m the type of person who loses so many pubes and finds so many stray pubes that it doesn’t even make mathematical sense how I still have pubic hair attached to my body. Usually when I have this thought it’s after I’ve run my hands through my pubes and a bunch fall out like a movies where people see they’re losing the hair on their head when they’re becoming a zombie.

2. “I think I’ll start scrubbing my asshole now.”

Almost every other shower comes to this point eventually so this isn’t the most amazing shower thought. Still, it does qualify as a #showerthought.

And the number one most common shower thought I have is...

1. “Jesus, I hope that’s just a mole on my nutsack…”

Of all the shower thoughts you can have, this is one of the most frightening and gets you thinking the most. Is it simply a weird mole or could it be something a doctor needs to take a look at? You better hope you’re #blessed when you have this #showerthought.

I don't think you REALLY want to know what's going through my mind in the shower.