They're calling it the greatest storm in recorded human history. It's unprecedented. No one has ever seen a hurricane start going out to the Atlantic then turn back into America just for fun and merge with a Canadian storm front to soak the eastern seaboard in death flood cum. What did I do to deserve this, God? Is it all the masturbating? Am I not masturbating enough? Honestly, if three times a day is too much I'm sorry, there's not much I can do about that. Maaaybe I can cut it down to two and a half times a day, but then I'm gonna need an alternate day every other week where I go free-for-all unlimited masturbation. Deal? I SAID, DEAL?! I will take that silence to mean that I am not masturbating ENOUGH. Alright thank you God, I've enjoyed our little chat here and thanks for reading the blog. I'd love to stay and chat longer, but I'm gonna beat it.